Mental health from both sides
How do you prepare for mental illness? I think it is exceedingly hard, and can often require the kind of confidence that is, by definition, missing in such circumstances. I have never managed to prepare well, by which I mean that I have no written plan as to what care I would prefer. The saddest…
How can things be better? This is a very general question, which doesn’t have much of an answer, so I realise I need to make it more specific. How can I reduce stress at work to enable me to carry on working in a useful way while avoiding becoming ill again? It’s a bit of…
I realised last week that I might need to take a bit of time off work. I’m not very ill – I wouldn’t be writing this if I were – but neither am I completely well, if well is as good as it gets, or ought to get. I have had a diagnosis of a…
I sometimes wonder why we talk differently about risk in psychiatry than we do in other medical specialties. The risk of harm or death is high in many illnesses, yet in psychiatry we manage risk in a way that seems much more personally attributable. There are balances of risk in diagnosing and managing heart disease,…
What is energy, as we experience it? It is a word with a positive force behind it, that glows and lives, and is the opposite of all that one usually experiences when depressed. Personally I find it quite difficult to recognise the feeling of low mood when I’m depressed, but reduced energy is actually more…
I’ve really been doing pretty well over lockdown, at least I thought I was. I’m not so sure now, and I’m finding myself wondering what I mean by ‘doing well’. It is with some dismay that I realise that for me this means not relapsing into severe depression, or requiring even more noxious psychotropic drugs,…
When I looked up the meaning of the word confidential just now, it stated that it was information that was intended to be kept secret. Intimate, personal, privileged – these were the kind of words I found. To me that implies something you would keep to yourself and about your person, sharing it only if…
I’ve wondered recently why we, as doctors and other health professionals, choose to tell our own stories of illness. You would think that we would want to swerve away from all such things, faced as we are with illness and suffering, often on a daily basis. But not only do these stories continue to be…
Courage is much overrated in mental illness. When I first wrote about my own experiences, a lot of people told me how brave I was to do so. This made me squirm and feel quite odd, but they would insist that it was so, even when I denied it. It didn’t feel brave or courageous;…
The last couple of weeks have been trying for all of us, wherever we live. Fear of covid-19, fear of illness, fear for loved ones, fear for livelihood, fear of isolation. All of these are massive stressors in their own right, so thrown all together their impact is grim. But it is the usual lot…
So many moments make up a life. Some are forgotten almost instantly, some fade with time, and some are written hard on memory. Some of these are happy, some painful and humiliating. Do we really remember them, or do they curl into something else, worn by memory itself? Do we talk about them, look at…
Privilege is a word that is uppermost in many minds at present. It drips off the tongue, coated in caviar, champagne and cocaine, and no-one can really decide whether they want it or not. Does it help? Does it condemn? I consider myself privileged and feel guilty for being so. I’m not privileged enough to…
When I call myself a patient and a doctor, they seem like two opposites, two sides of the same table. In mental illness they are often perceived very differently – one with knowledge and power, one suffering and in need of help. They don’t join together well. They make a whole with an empty centre,…
What would I think if I met my online persona? Would I like them, or would I sneer slightly, embarrassed by my own proximity? I’ve tried not to hide behind that persona too much – I use my own name (more or less), and a picture that’s only a year old. But I have to…
The development of mental health services specifically for doctors is a contentious area. After all, why should doctors have a special service when others don’t? And, if this were allowed, why not extend it to other health professionals? The sad answer to this latter question is that the numbers are simply too great, and there…
It would be daft to think that stress plays no role in mental illness – it is, after all, a normal human reaction in difficult and challenging situations, and I doubt that I’m alone in finding the experience of mental illness really quite stressful. I get stressed when I am ill, and often worry about…
I’m never too sure what I think about stigma. If you asked me now, my immediate response would be that it has had no adverse effect on my life, and of course that has to be rubbish. Things affect us insidiously, such that we discount them, or don’t even notice them. Sometimes it’s only when…