Mental health from both sides
Psychiatry and psychiatrist are powerful words. They stop conversations, and create awkward gaps. I try not to say I am a psychiatrist in social settings, sometimes muttering something about being a doctor, and usually wriggling out of anything further. Conversely, in a clinical setting, I always tell patients that I am a psychiatrist, probably because…
This is a question frequently asked, and unsatisfactorily answered. I don’t know the answers, and I won’t pretend to, but I find it quite a difficult dichotomy – along with many others in the field of mental illness. I once worked for a psychiatrist, years ago, who took the trouble to reassure me that he…
We all have a personality, but, when you move into the realms of psychiatry and mental health, this term can take on a rather different meaning. It is often also very difficult to discuss, something which is hardly surprising, given the fact that personality disorder can be seen as a punitive diagnosis, one of exclusion…
How did I make that leap from them to us, or us to them? I was a patient, a not very active patient, but I had become part of that community. It was better than being part of nothing, and I was no longer working as a doctor, with no obvious prospect of returning. My…
My brain has been somewhat exercised of late, both by my own internal wrangles about psychiatric treatments and by various online debates, particularly about ECT. These debates often seem to be moral and emotional in nature, making it particularly hard to contribute or indeed come to any conclusions. I am someone with a very precarious…
I used to think that being present in any particular situation ensured accuracy. By this I mean accuracy of observation and also of recall; that standing witness to events was always reliable. As a child, I thought of the years as a climbing staircase, with different events, schools and holidays marking out the way. In…
I have been a psychiatric in-patient on quite a few occasions. I am also the psychiatrist on an in-patient ward. There are differences: I work with people with addictions, whereas my times as a patient have been on general psychiatric wards with severe depression. But there are also similarities, and most of my admissions were…
What would I think if I met my online persona? Would I like them, or would I sneer slightly, embarrassed by my own proximity? I’ve tried not to hide behind that persona too much – I use my own name (more or less), and a picture that’s only a year old. But I have to…
My husband is currently away for a week, leaving me, if not alone, then without him. I am very fortunate to have him, but also slightly resentful at times, which in turn makes me feel guilty. It’s not down to anything that he does, it’s everyone else. Oh, you’re so lucky to have him; He’s so…
When we drink alcohol, or use other recreational drugs, there is usually a rapid effect. Scarcely has the glass been placed back down, than a feeling of well-being – or whatever your drug of choice promotes – radiates through the limbs and settles happily in the cranial control unit. Obviously, more may be taken, and…
Continue reading ➞ Psychiatric drugs – mainly antidepressants
It’s come round again, and so have all those feelings which made me feel so ashamed last year. Ashamed, but also slightly uneasy (a bad combination); and it may just be that the cape acquired at grumpyoldwomen.com is fitting me rather better. But crazy socks for docs has this effect on me, and I’m not…
The development of mental health services specifically for doctors is a contentious area. After all, why should doctors have a special service when others don’t? And, if this were allowed, why not extend it to other health professionals? The sad answer to this latter question is that the numbers are simply too great, and there…
Depression is not about feeling sad. It is really difficult to describe, and even to remember, between episodes. When gone, it dissolves and weakens, the same way that dreams disappear, becoming just a pallid description that in no way evokes the experience. But for me it is does not conjure sadness or tears; in some…
This is pure self-indulgence – I know there are many tall people who would like to be shorter, fat who would like to be thinner, old who would like to be younger, and perhaps the vice versas. And what about those who are shunned for race, sexuality, illness? That is far more grave. But we…
Every year the DVLA sends me some forms to fill out. Every year I feel a frisson of fear as I do so, knowing that my psychiatrist will also be asked for his answers to these questions. No lying possible, no bending of the truth. So far, I have been issued with a licence each…
It would be daft to think that stress plays no role in mental illness – it is, after all, a normal human reaction in difficult and challenging situations, and I doubt that I’m alone in finding the experience of mental illness really quite stressful. I get stressed when I am ill, and often worry about…
I’m never too sure what I think about stigma. If you asked me now, my immediate response would be that it has had no adverse effect on my life, and of course that has to be rubbish. Things affect us insidiously, such that we discount them, or don’t even notice them. Sometimes it’s only when…
What am I most ashamed of? Not of my diagnosis of bipolar disorder, that’s actually reasonably respectable - which is probably why I don’t find it easy to believe. But shame wraps a tight cloak around us all, one that feeds itself and whispers that no-one must know. What is it that fosters shame? Is…
My teeth have been bothering me quite a lot recently. This isn’t unusual, and I’m never sure whether it falls within the realms of the neurotic, the slightly disconnected from reality or (most likely) the sadly realistic. I can hardly believe I’m eating chocolate buttons as I write this – rather than creating dissonance, it…
Evidence-based practice matters, and rigorous research is not only a thing of beauty but also necessary to find and validate further and better treatments, especially in psychiatry. But real people exist in a less ordered world, where things are often unclear. Diagnosis, treatment, prognosis, outcome – these are all islands, navigated by many, in boats…